TW for mentions of corrective rape, homophobic violence

polisci-prelaw:

I’m slowly coming to a realization that this is what activism is. This is how it feels. This is what it looks like. These are the consequences.

And I am learning that I will not, cannot, be silent.

There are more things at stake here. If I truly believe in the possibility of a world of equality,…

it’s funny that you should mention silence after refusing to publish my ask. i too believe it’s my obligation to use my voice against my oppressor, so here’s my ask, in full:

Until that point, however, fuck off because you have no right to tell me how to identify. You’re sexual, you have privilege! Get the fuck over it. Accept it. If you accept it, you’re still going to be okay. Don’t worry! You’ll still be oppressed in other ways. I mean, really? That’s what you’re worried about? Losing the purity of your oppression? Geez.

this is so unbelievably disgusting, that i just can’t even fathom how it occurred to you to type out these words. not only did you link me to AVEN, an organization that has made the homophobic suggestion that asexual people could show sexual queer people the joys of platonic affection, but then you have to go and leave this steaming pile at the end of your response.

i have every right to tell you how to identify when you are co-opting the queer identity, which, contrary to what straight people on tumblr would lead you to believe, actually has a meaning - and that meaning is not-heterosexual/romantic. as i said before, it is your straight privilege that leads you to believe that you are entitled to my identity.

and how /dare/ you try to accuse me of wanting to be oppressed? if i could snap my fingers and have heterosexism and all of the other oppressions i face disappear, i would do it in a second. i don’t fucking want to worry that the reason i’m not getting a job is because i dare to ~look like a lesbian~, i don’t want my parents to feel like they have nothing left to live for because they have two gay children, i don’t want men to think i need to be “cured” by rape, i don’t want to have to worry that i’ll be assaulted for holding my girlfriend’s hand, i don’t want any of this. and i can’t believe that you would ever try to win an argument by accusing me of somehow reveling in my oppression as a lesbian.

i’m not scared about “losing the purity of my oppression.” i’m scared of straight people (YOU, YES YOU) coming into queer spaces and infesting them with your straight privilege. i can’t even go to my college’s lgbtq club anymore because i don’t feel safe being who i am and speaking out, because people like you - straight people who feel entitled to my identity or my space or my time or my patience - worked their way into the executive board and began prioritizing their comfort over queer people’s. my one safe space on campus was turned into a hostile environment by allowing straight people free reign. i don’t want this to happen to other queer people on other campuses, and i don’t want this to happen to the queer community itself. i NEED this community; it is a source of power, if only in that it breaks down the isolation i am subjected to day in and day out as a lesbian in a hetero world.

you are actively harming me. you hurt me with your last response. and i am asking you to please, please stop.

(via mindyshabibti-deactivated201111)

sailorusagidesu said: Hi,

So I am very much left out of the drama that's been going on between you and polisci-prelaw (formerly geuineexpression I believe) and I'm not exactly very much interested in getting in the know. However, I did see your last reblogging regarding their "this is activism" post. I'll start off by saying I don't agree with what she says most of the time, but that I do consider myself an activist for the asexual community.

I was just hoping you would clear up your position for me. Is it only heteroromantic asexuals that you feel should not identify as queer? Or asexuals in general? If so, why? Personally, I think anyone who is asexual can identify as queer, because they aren't heteronormative. This doesn't account for all asexuals, there are plenty who think we have no business hanging out under the LGBTQ umbrella.

I only ask because I'm curious, and I would like to know the arguments of people who are on the other side of asexuality (I spend far too much time bottled up in the asexual community, sometimes). I'm not going to turn around and attack you if your views are contrary to mine, and I am genuinely sorry that you feel people have been co-opting your identity.

I also don't mean to dredge up any more of that hurt, so if this question irritates you, just delete it, I don't really mind.

--Greg

i believe that homo- and biromantic asexual people have a place in the queer community just as much as anyone else who wants romantic or sexual partners who are not the “opposite sex.” i feel that when it comes to queerness, it’s not whether someone is sexual that should be the determining factor, it should be whether that someone is forming relationships - romantic and/or sexual - with people of the same gender. to define queerness simply by the sex someone is having (or not having) is offensive to me, as it plays into the whole homophobic trope that queer people are all sex all the time and aren’t capable of forming loving relationships, platonic or not.

i do feel that asexual people aren’t exactly in the norm. i simply feel that the problems that arise from asexuality are manifestations of other oppressions and that the queer community is not the place for asexual people to use as their launching point for any activism or organization. i think both the asexual and queer communities will do better off separate, with some members who belong to both, so that they can each focus on the issues that impact them and occasionally collaborate when an issue impacts both of them.

polisci-prelaw:

Read More

so, since you yet again failed to publish what i left you in your ask box, i’m forced to put it here

we are not all in this together, because you are STRAIGHT. and as this whole debacle has shown, you are just another entitled straight asshole who has zero inclination to listen to queer voices when they say something you don’t like. the reason you can choose “queer” and not have it ASSIGNED to you, is because you are STRAIGHT STRAIGHT STRAIGHT. you are oppressing me, right now. you are silencing me and shouting me down with your loud, strong straight voice, and you will be the one who is able to get up after this tussle and dust yourself off without a single mark, because this is all theoretical bullshit to you

straight people appropriating queerness makes me unsafe by making my queer spaces hostile to me and by making it impossible for me to tell whether someone who introduces themselves as “queer” means that they really are queer or that they are some asshole heteroromantic asexual special snowflake like you who’ll throw a fit the second i say something that ruffles their smooth straight privileged feathers. straight people appropriating queerness dilutes the queerness of my community and erodes the support it can give me. you are doing this to me. you are chipping away at my support system and at my triumph at having reclaimed “queer” and it is HURTING me. you are hurting me. because you are straight.

and no one ever fucking asked you what you wanted to do with your genitals. we asked if you were exclusively interested in men, and an asexual activist of all people should know that that has nothing to do with fucking genitals. and do you really want to talk about invasive? let’s talk about how INVASIVE it is to have people ask how you have sex with your girlfriend and make scissoring jokes over and over as though those were still funny. let’s talk about how INVASIVE it is to have your parents insist that, even though you’re in a monogamous relationship with a woman, you shouldn’t turn down any nice boy who asks you to coffee because you never know until you try it. let’s talk about how INVASIVE sodomy laws are.

let’s talk about how INVASIVE straight people clamoring for access to OUR IDENTITIES is.

(via mindyshabibti-deactivated201111)

Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklist

gingersomething:

demisexuality:

Dear members of the asexual, demisexual, and grey-asexual communities,

In response to the ridiculousness that went down yesterday when a brave blogger dared suggest sexual privilege exists/needs addressing, and was met with accusations of appropriation, of “overapplying” social justice…

I’m really getting fucking sick of people implying that only experiencing secondary sexual attraction is marginalized in any way.  It doesn’t compare at all to the asexual experience.  The fact that I am only attracted to people I have a strong emotional bond with does not make me any less sexual, and it certainly doesn’t make me OPPRESSED.

If you were going to make a serious Sexual Privilege list (which I have yet to see any compelling evidence for as it’s usually directed at queer sexual people and not straights), DEMISEXUALS WOULD HAVE THIS PRIVILEGE.  I fuck allllll the time.  I am constantly fucking my boyfriend.  I don’t fuck or want to fuck anyone else.  THIS IS ENTIRELY SEXUALLY NORMATIVE.  IT IS SOCIETY’S IDEAL STATE OF FEMALE SEXUALITY.  IT IS NOT AN OPPRESSED STATE OF BEING.

exactly this. i could easily call myself demisexual or a gray acer if i wanted to. hell, i don’t fuck all the time, and that’s not because i don’t have a wonderful, amazing girlfriend who i am super hot for. but i do fuck, and i only really want to when i’m attached to someone.

the only way i could be more ideal is if my girlfriend were a man and we were married.

(Source: , via rare-basement)

you know the drill by now

polisci-prelaw:

Read More

look, this has obviously really rattled you. and i’m sorry for that, seriously. you are not a terrible person. you are not worthless.

you are doing something bad, though. and playing the martyr so that all of your friends will give you lots of comfort and all of the people you’re hurting will feel uncomfortable continuing to speak out against you is also not an okay thing to do.

you have a community. that community is the asexual community. and the straight community - because, like it or not, you are currently identified as someone who is hetero, and the straight community encompasses both the heterosexuals and the heteroromantics, just the same way that the queer community encompasses both the homo- and bisexual people and homo- and biromantic people.

you are not entitled to queerness when you are a heteroromantic asexual person. you can ignore me and listen to the people who insist that “queer” just means non-normative, but they are wrong. they are ignoring a past and a present where “queer” is shouted at lgbq people as a slur. and they are ignoring the hard work our community put into making that word feel safe in our own mouths, and the work that is left to do to keep it feeling safe. it’s not yours to try on. the thing you need need need to understand is that, if “queer” is something you can choose to try on one day and isn’t something that is thrust violently upon you by the world, you are not queer.

please listen to us. that’s all we want. we aren’t bullies, out to hurt you. we don’t even want you to be hurting like you are. we aren’t trolls, as much as you’d like to believe that. we’re hurt and we’re angry, and we want to be listened to for once, and to have our desires respected.

that’s all. seriously.

(via mindyshabibti-deactivated201111)

monSTAR: partysoft: Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklistgingersomething:...

partysoft:

Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklist

gingersomething:

demisexuality:

Dear members of the asexual, demisexual, and grey-asexual communities,

In response to the ridiculousness that went down yesterday when a brave blogger dared suggest sexual privilege exists/needs…

"The fact that you say you have a girlfriend “that [you’re] super hot for” shows you feel sexual attraction to someone even though you would like to hold out on having sex until you gain an emotional attachment. THAT IS NOT DEMISEXUALITY, demisexuality is that you DO NOT feel “super hot for” a person UNLESS you are emotionally attached to them."

you stupid homophobic asshole, girlfriend doesn’t mean a friend who is a girl, it’s referring to the woman i’ve been in a relationship with for two years. is that enough of a fucking emotional attachment for you?

and no you are not oppressed for having a slightly different pattern of sexual attraction. feeling weird and experiencing erasure and people occasionally being assholes to you is not oppression, although no one could deny that it absolutely sucks. not everything is an oppression/privilege dynamic, seriously. there is no institutionalized, historical oppressive force making it more difficult for you to live your life because you are demisexual. oppression is this giant fucking rock pressing down on you and trying to crush you. you’re experiencing a small chunk of rock and trying to pretend it’s the giant fucking rock.

(Source: )

monSTAR: partysoft: Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklistgingersomething:...

ninapedia:

partysoft:

partysoft:

Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklist

gingersomething:

demisexuality:

Dear members of the asexual, demisexual, and grey-asexual communities,

In response to the ridiculousness that went down yesterday when a brave blogger dared suggest sexual privilege exists/needs…

“The fact that you say you have a girlfriend “that [you’re] super hot for” shows you feel sexual attraction to someone even though you would like to hold out on having sex until you gain an emotional attachment. THAT IS NOT DEMISEXUALITY, demisexuality is that you DO NOT feel “super hot for” a person UNLESS you are emotionally attached to them.”

you stupid homophobic asshole, girlfriend doesn’t mean a friend who is a girl, it’s referring to the woman i’ve been in a relationship with for two years. is that enough of a fucking emotional attachment for you?

and no you are not oppressed for having a slightly different pattern of sexual attraction. feeling weird and experiencing erasure and people occasionally being assholes to you is not oppression, although no one could deny that it absolutely sucks. not everything is an oppression/privilege dynamic, seriously. there is no institutionalized, historical oppressive force making it more difficult for you to live your life because you are demisexual. oppression is this giant fucking rock pressing down on you and trying to crush you. you’re experiencing a small chunk of rock and trying to pretend it’s the giant fucking rock.

Lolololol “homophobic asshole”.

One, homophobic is appropriative of people who suffer from actual phobias, a better phrase is heterosexist.

Two, why would you assume that I meant she was just a girl who was a friend? I thought she was/is your romantic partner, please point out what part of that sentence that implies otherwise? What I meant by that sentence was that IF you are hot for her but are CHOOSING to abstain until you feel ready doesn’t auto-make you a demisexual, it means you are abstaining. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.

I never SAID I was oppressed for the demi part of my sexuality, I SAID I was erased:

I’m not arguing that Heteroromantic folks, and/or hetero-appearing, folks are on the same oppression level as people who aren’t but being told I’m “normal”, or being told that I don’t exist, when I’m not and I DO is fucking infuriating.

See, right there, that’s where I say it, again my apologies if it was unclear. I know the difference between systematic oppression and straight up erasure. You do not need institutionalize oppression for privilege to be present. Have you ever heard of Vanilla Privilege- privileges of people who engage in vanilla sex acts? People who participate in BDSM- myself included- aren’t exactly oppressed institutionally but they are STILL oppressed and erased and Vanilla Privilege EXIST.

So nice job at trying to play the oppression Olympics card, but I ain’t having that.

Side note, I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve had sex with ladies, I’ve had squishes on individuals of all genders- if you read my post at all you would have noticed that I’m PAN-demi- so, yeah, I know it sucks to be queer or perceived as queer and it’s much easier on me and my relationship that I’m no perceived as hetero. Again this isn’t an argument over institutionalize oppression this is an argument over whether or not I exist and that Sexual Privilege is REAL.

Hmm, idk, maybe the part where you said ““The fact that you say you have a girlfriend “that [you’re] super hot for” shows you feel sexual attraction to someone even though you would like to hold out on having sex until you gain an emotional attachment. THAT IS NOT DEMISEXUALITY, demisexuality is that you DO NOT feel “super hot for” a person UNLESS you are emotionally attached to them.”

i never said i was ~holding out~ for some kind of emotional attachment, i was saying we don’t fuck that often because i have a low sex drive, as well as problems with reading my own body’s signals. which is more than you ever needed to know.

and no, you colossal fool, privilege exists as part of oppression. (and there is no other type of oppression other than institutionalized oppression. that’s what oppression means.) they are inextricably linked. you can’t be privileged unless someone else is actually being oppressed.

so no, there is no sexual privilege. there is no vanilla privilege, either. privilege has meaning, and twisting it like this dilutes that meaning, harming social justice as a whole. jesus christ, do you also believe in tall people being privileged over people of average height or slightly shorter height?

i do, however, apologize for calling you homophobic, as you are pan and for that reason don’t have the privilege necessary to be so. in my anger at being told i was apparently not emotionally attached to my girlfriend, i jumped the gun, and i am sorry.

(Source: )

monSTAR: [Trigger for mention of rape]

partysoft:

monSTAR: partysoft: Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklistgingersomething:…

ninapedia:

partysoft:

partysoft:

Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklist

gingersomething:

demisexuality:

Dear members of the asexual, demisexual, and grey-asexual…

lol at you lecturing a woman who frequents tractor supply for all her kinky accessories on “vanilla privilege.”

let me try to break this down for you. those things suck. a lot of those things, that both asexual and kinky people experience, are related to other oppressive forces, such as misogyny or homophobia. asexual people (and kinky people) are not, however, oppressed for being asexual (or kinky). they experience erasure and those identity markers shape the way other oppressions manifest in their lives, but they are not oppressed by asexualism or kinkophobia or something.

there is no oppression but institutionalized, systematic oppression. that is what oppression means. how can you not understand that you are weakening this word, twisting its meaning, and minimizing what real oppression is when you do this? and again, privilege does not exist with oppression. you don’t have to frame your discussions of what people who are not kinky or not asexual experience or might not realize as a discussion of privilege. i promise people will take you seriously, even if you don’t use all the buzzwords.

and yes, people with privilege deny it exists. but that doesn’t mean that when someone denies a privilege exists that that denial validates the existence of that privilege. sometimes it really doesn’t exist.

and finally, i am so sorry that you had to experience threats like that. i hope that you are currently in a safer place.

(Source: )

monSTAR: partysoft: monSTAR: [Trigger for mention of rape]partysoft: monSTAR:...

partysoft:

monSTAR: [Trigger for mention of rape]

partysoft:

monSTAR: partysoft: Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklistgingersomething:…

ninapedia:

partysoft:

partysoft:

Demisexuality: Sexual Privilege Checklist

gingersomething:

demisexuality:

Dear…

i guess the problem with “sexual privilege” is that it oversimplifies. human sexuality has such a vast range of forms of expression regarding how attraction works, how people respond to their different forms and feelings of attraction, and so on, that it seems impossible to nail down who is sexual and who isn’t. and then when it begins to interact with people’s other identity markers and oppressions, things get that much messier. most other privileges do vary according to individuals, but they tend to have solid unifiers; i don’t see how that works in this case.

as for how we should talk about the advantages someone may gain from having a more normative sexual experience (or a more vanilla one), i’m not sure if we need a whole new vocabulary word? these things, being essentially markers that change how a person’s own oppressions may manifest, seem too vague to sum up in a simple, single word. i think we can talk about advantages people may receive - “advantage” sounds a lot like “privilege,” i know, but it doesn’t have that established meaning and history that conflates disadvantages people experience to systematic oppression. i think we can talk about blind spots people may have regarding how other people who have a less normative sexual experience experience life. and so on. we have the words, but i think we hesitate to use them, because the current atmosphere of online activism is such that we sometimes skip over the simpler solutions in order to use the vocabulary we’ve all become used to.

and i’m glad to hear you’re safer now. :)

(Source: )

Ninny's Acetravaganza: Asexuality, "real-life spaces" and LGBTQ inclusion

bountyninny:

As I am sure most of you are aware of by now, there has been a lot of drama going down regarding asexuality, the LGBTQ and “queerness”.

Now, my stance on this issue isn’t “Asexuals are definetely queer and therefore must be included in the LGBTQ”, because believe it or not not all asexuals…

i’m sorry, but the queer community is not obligated to provide straight asexual people with support. we will welcome queer asexual people with open arms, of course, but straight people of any type are not entitled to our space or our support.

no matter how small their own communities may be.

(via bountyninny-deactivated20110603)

you can call me softy

here you will find: dogs. lesbians. midwest. feminism. media & women i adore. religious things (these will always be tagged 'christianity' and/or 'catholicism.') and more.

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pls go away if u r: trans critical, "pro-life," know me irl and i did not give u this address
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